Andy is great at being a husband. But, sorry honey, I just can't giggle with you while shoe shopping for hours on end.
My parents are great at being my Ma and Pa. But, sorry fam, I just can't make severly inappropriate jokes while drinking with you.
My dogs are great at being pets. But, sorry bears, even though you're great listeners I need someone who can actually talk back to me.
So that's where my girlfriends step in.
They are tried and true.
Some have known me since I was four years old and had my hair cut like I wanted to be the 5th Beatle.
That means I probably tattled on them and fought with them over a toy at some point.
But they're still here.
Some have known me since middle school.
That means they chose to be friends with me during a time when I had frizzy hair, zits and coke bottle glasses. Sorry, no picture available. I think I destroyed all evidence of this time of my life. Just trust me, I was awesomely adolescent.
But they're still here.
Some I didn't meet until college.
That means they definitely saw me drink to the point of puking which is always a super attractive thing to do.
But they're still here.
This could all just suggest that I pick friends with really low standards.
Or that I pay these people to still pretend they like me.
Or that I'm blackmailing them because I know a lot of their secrets.
But actually, we might just still be friends because they tattled on me, went through awkward puberty with me and poured and consumed the booze that made us fall down drunk.
Or maybe my standards are just as low as theirs.
My parents are great at being my Ma and Pa. But, sorry fam, I just can't make severly inappropriate jokes while drinking with you.
My dogs are great at being pets. But, sorry bears, even though you're great listeners I need someone who can actually talk back to me.
So that's where my girlfriends step in.
They are tried and true.
Some have known me since I was four years old and had my hair cut like I wanted to be the 5th Beatle.
That means I probably tattled on them and fought with them over a toy at some point.
But they're still here.
Some have known me since middle school.
That means they chose to be friends with me during a time when I had frizzy hair, zits and coke bottle glasses. Sorry, no picture available. I think I destroyed all evidence of this time of my life. Just trust me, I was awesomely adolescent.
But they're still here.
Some I didn't meet until college.
That means they definitely saw me drink to the point of puking which is always a super attractive thing to do.
But they're still here.
This could all just suggest that I pick friends with really low standards.
Or that I pay these people to still pretend they like me.
Or that I'm blackmailing them because I know a lot of their secrets.
But actually, we might just still be friends because they tattled on me, went through awkward puberty with me and poured and consumed the booze that made us fall down drunk.
Or maybe my standards are just as low as theirs.
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