30 Signs You're Friggin' Old

The Daily Mail published an article with the 30 telltale signs you're becoming an old fart. Although I already know I have many granny-like habits, I figured I'd see how I actually stacked up according to their list. I'll break this up a bit, since there's 30 to go through. Here's how I'm doing on the first ten:


1. Falling asleep in front of the TV.


Well I guess I've been old since I was born. Do people NOT fall asleep in front of the TV? That seems impossible.


2. Feeling stiff.

Only after doing something dumb like running 15 miles for "fun."


3. Groaning when you bend down.

I only groan when I look down and see the ice cream carton is mysteriously empty.

4. Losing your hair.



Hairline intact.

5. Hating noisy pubs.

Crap I'm old. That's me. I don't just hate noisy bars. I LOATE them. I want to be able to make chit chat with my other old people friends, not listen to that crazy racket kids call "music" these days.

6. Thinking teachers/policeman/doctors look really young.

Nope, they still usually look pretty old to me.

7. Getting more hairy - ears, face, eyebrows, nose etc.

Andy sure is hoping this happens to him.


8. Struggling to use technology.

iPhones are freaking confusing. Check my phone and understand why I'm so confused when someone places an iPhone (which must be somehow imported from the future) in my hands:



It dials numbers and takes shitty pictures. That's all I need in a phone.

9. Forgetting names.


Score. My memory is still solid. Check that, memory for things when sober is still solid.

10. Not knowing any songs in the Top Ten.

Thankfully Adele is there, otherwise I'm completely screwed. What the heck is an Afrojack?

So far in the list I'm only 3 for 10 leaning towards decrepit. This is a good start.